I’ve never seen a more sacrilegious cat in my entire life.

I was praying before the Blessed Sacrament at the UP Chapel yesterday afternoon when a cat announced its arrival with loud, incessant meowing. I could hear it, but I went on praying, eager not to be distracted.

But the cat was unstoppably pasaway. Soon it reached the left end of my pew. “Ngiaaw! Ngiaaaaaw!”

Snap! I plummeted back to earth. My attention diverted to this unwelcome white-and-gray feline fellow. I stopped praying but decided to sit for a while. I smiled at the cat whose constant meowing now made me feel like I owe her money (I didn’t check, but I think it’s a she).

Then she climbed to my seat (still noisy as ever), went behind me, nudging its head against my back. Scared, I went to the other end of the pew. The cat followed. I moved away again, and that’s when I felt like my shadow became small, furry, and four legged. Still meowing loudly, the cat sat beside me.

(All the while this was happening, behind me were two girls pausing to acknowledge God’s presence. One of them noticed me vainly escaping the cat.)

Then the cat did the deed. I was so shocked, and so was the girl behind me (“Bastos,” she murmured, amused). This time, I stood up, also in amused disbelief of what had just happened, and with no intention of sitting down again. The girl, who was now going away, tried to help me by enticing the cat to go with her. But the bad cat did not budge. I went out, and sure enough, the cat tailed me. When I stopped taking small steps, she rolled over. Waah! I couldn’t take it anymore (had some demon possessed this poor cat?), so I went back to the altar, genuflected, and fled.

So what did that cat do? Oh, nothing, really. She just touched my crotch, that’s all!